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 Smile Please

What's the difference between a physician, a surgeon, a psychiatrist, and a pathologist ?
The physician knows everything and does nothing.
The surgeon knows nothing and does everything.
The psychiatrist knows nothing and does nothing.
The pathologist knows everything, but always a week too late. 

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.

Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately no cases have been reported thus far.

Patient: Doctor, do you think cranberries are healthy? 

Doctor: I've never heard one complain.

 

Doctor: Have you been to another doctor before you came to me?
Patient: No, I went to my pharmacist. 
Doctor: That was stupid. What kind of idiotic advice did he give you?

Patient: You're right. He is an idiot. He told me to come see you. 

 

Patient: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? 
Doctor: If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, ratio is two to one, etc. 

Patient: Aren't fried foods bad for everyone? 
Doctor: YOU NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Man: Doc, you've got to help me. I'm hearing voices but I don't see people.
Doc: And when are you hearing these voices?

Man: When I'm on the telephone.

Brain Teasers

  1. What 5-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?
  2. Which tire doesn’t move when a car turns right?
  3. What are the next three letters in the following sequence? J, F, M, A, M, J, J, A, __, __, __,
  4. Two mothers and two daughters went out to eat, everyone ate one samosa, yet only three samosas were eaten. How is this possible?
  5. Name all the numbers from 1 – 100, which have the letter ‘A’ in their spellings?

Answers

5. None!
4. They were a grandmother, mother and daughter.
3. S, O, N. The sequence is first letter of the months of the year. September, October, and November are the next in the sequence.
2. The Spare tire
1.  Shor
t.

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